Choosing a Life of Mindful Intention

Peeking out at our life from outside the blissful little bubble we’ve created for ourselves, I guess I can see why people might raise an eyebrow when they see us going out of our way to live the way we do. It’s true that we choose the most labor-intensive option whenever granted the opportunity. Most of the projects we set out to tackle are very intentional, long-game actions that culminate toward a distant future vision of our life. Some glaring examples are choosing to build a home ourselves out of recycled and natural materials, planting 2000 linear feet of “living fence” as opposed to installing a wooden or metal fence, raising slow-growing, small homestead pigs with the intention of eating their offspring three and a half years into the future. On goes the list.

As a result of taking on aforementioned projects, we’re used to the looks that subtly or not so subtly hint that we’ve hailed from another dimension in time and space.  We’re fairly adept, however, at wicking away the strange looks, eye rolls, backhanded comments. Today was different. As I was picking up our 75+ gallons of produce food scraps from a high-end grocery store, I was assaulted with one of the most judgmental, disgusted looks I’ve ever received as an adult. The kind that would have had you in bed for days as a self-conscious, young teenager. It paralyzed me and I almost waited until she drove away before emerging from my cocoon. I received the look not because I was picking up the food scraps but because I was backing into my parking spot and failed to stop as she continued to plow forward; ignoring the fact that I had been heading for that space for far longer than she had been approaching. I digress, however.

So, back to my paralyzation. I sat in my car and quickly took stock of my appearance before leaving the protection of my car to pick up the food waste for our animals. My hair was disheveled and had sticks, leaves and bits of dirt in it, my shirt and pants were stained, I had some serious body odor going on and I was in my gardening shoes; all because I had spent the day outside working on our land. I felt like a minnow dunked into a shark tank; vulnerable, less than, out of place. All because a fellow human shot a nasty look my way.

The can that houses the food scraps was sitting directly in front of her car; her lavish, pristine, stupidly expensive metal box on wheels. I looked back and forth between the can and my boys in the back seat. I made the split second decision to cast my self-conscious, knee-jerk feelings aside and proudly stroll from my mud-covered car, head held high, looking unkempt and wild, drag the trash can to my car and collect the produce that would feed my livestock that night. All right in front of her face. I can only imagine what she was thinking. I wouldn’t be surprised if a picture of me surfaces on social media with a barf-face emoji attached.

The point is though, in that moment, I chose MY life. I didn’t put on a facade; applying lipstick, tidying my hair to try to “fit in” as a customer shopping at this high-end store. I grabbed my stinky, sweaty, dirt-covered life with a big bear hug and “made out” with it all while this woman looked on. This woman who couldn’t live any more opposite of a life than mine. I imagine that in her world, white furniture and cars stay white. Skin stays tan and somehow wrinkle-free. Breasts perky until death. Hair straightened and dyed. Makeup applied with professional precision. Clothes neatly pressed and coordinated. And yet, this person who gives off the appearance of “perfection” by mainstream standards anyhow, has to be miserable because otherwise, she wouldn’t’ be so adept and ruining others’ days with a mere glance. And here I was, looking like I crawled out of a shallow grave, with a wild grin on my face and a gleam in my eye, picking up grocery store discards to keep our farm running.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not demonizing those with monetary wealth. Also, I realize I’m unleashing a lot of judgments on this woman that may or may not be true. However, we’ve let a lot of comments slide off our backs the past several years. We’ve let a lot of nasty looks go. This look in particular shook me so, that it felt monumental. Internally, it was as if a deep-voiced, paternal, bearded man dripping in wisdom [he’s also shirtless and in a forest for some reason…] appeared and asked “Which life do you choose, Lauren? Your boys are watching you. How will you handle yourself in this moment?” It’s as though the past 4 years of decision making culminated to this point of climax and I had to choose to fully embrace our drastic lifestyle or choose to hide our freak-flag out of profound embarrassment. I’m proud to say that in that moment, I chose to wave my freak-flag high. I was “a hot mess” by anyone’s standards because I had worked my ass off that day; taking care of our land and livestock. This was nothing to be ashamed of! Who cares that she isn’t aware of this?

At this point, I should clarify that my “life climax” isn’t really about that woman, but more about what she seemed to represent to me in that moment. I was raised to live the kind of life I imagined her to be leading. Success meant an expensive vehicle, a McMansion, a pristine, carefully managed environment, ageless beauty,  appetizing aromas about my person at all times, yearly vacations to tropical destinations, dinner parties with glamorous friends where we show off our newly decorated rooms.

When we started building our self-sustaining, “earthship-inspired” home three and a half years ago, we made our choice. We set aside a “cushy” life for a life where we will always “work” from sun up to sundown. We chose a life where we secure our own resources instead of relying upon rich and powerful companies to keep us afloat. This life allows us to choose [for the most part] how we spend our days and allows us to secure our own resources in a way we can live with. When we go to bed at night, it is with a clear conscience knowing that we are living the most genuine life we possibly can; free of regret and longing.

I am the happiest and most fulfilled version of myself and though I may always be unkempt on some level due to the nature of my work, I have my happiness and my dignity intact. I don’t believe the woman with a PhD in traumatizing others with a single glance could say the same. I know. I sound harsh, don’t I? Judgy, perhaps? Yeah, I guess I am in this case. I don’t live in a black and white world with black and white thinking though; I assure you. I do, however, find myself increasingly shocked at how utterly miserable the vast majority of people in our culture seem to be. After taking a step back to think about it though, this isn’t shocking at all! We’re constantly bombarded with messages that we are “less than” and will finally “blend in” and “be happier” if we alter this or that about our appearance or buy this gadget, or the latest designer bag. The issue with this way of “living” is that we as a collective society are seeking happiness from outside ourselves. We are looking to the outside world to provide us a sense of security and happiness and very few take it upon themselves to secure this happiness for themselves.

I realize this isn’t some Great Revelation. Many people feel this way. But it is the denial of all things human, all things real, all things connected that saddens and incenses me. We are humans. We have body odor, we sweat, we bleed, we defecate, we urinate, we die; all these things are natural and all have a purpose. Our food comes from the soil. The health of our food depends upon the health of the soil. Plants and animals die when we consume food. We then take this energy on and the cycle continues. For us to live, something has to die. Period. Death is natural. Aging is natural. Wrinkles are natural. Saggy breasts happen. Hair turns gray, thins, and sometimes falls out all together.

And yet, we do everything in our power to fend off anything “naturally-occurring” and all the while seem to be unhappier and unhealthier than ever as a society. I’ve come to find I can’t accept that way of life. I’ve had to alter my vision of the future to accommodate my changing beliefs and values over the years. The vision I have for my future doesn’t include any ideals for how I hope to look when I reach “a certain age”, how much monetary wealth or how many material possessions I hope to have enshrouding me as I approach the last quarter of my life. I see myself with wrinkles from laughing till I peed my pants, with wild, untamed gray hair, with saggy breasts from having nourished my two boys, with strong arms and legs from having continued to work to care for our land and livestock, surrounded by natural beauty and the family whose relationships I chose to foster over building up monetary “security” in my earlier years. After all, what is more secure than being surrounded by the love and companionship of the people I admire the most and having the resources that sustain all of our lives grown right where we reside?

I realize this blog post is a bit of a rant and is more cynical that I usually aim for,  but I wanted to take the time to publicly proclaim the adoration I have for our life. We work hard for everything we have and I couldn’t be prouder. We are filled to the brim with passion that fuels each and every task we take on as a family. I get that this life isn’t for everyone, and yet I feel like the vast majority of us could stand to have more of a hand in securing our own resources and enjoy the passion and pride that’s produced as a byproduct.

Since we started upon this journey, we’ve had to tread carefully around people who were a part of our “old” life. We have had to tone down our excitement for various projects we were taking on so they wouldn’t feel judged by us diverging from the norm. We’ve had to face condemnatory questions and answer politely even though if the same questions were flipped and asked about their lifestyle, we would be seen as rude and out of bounds.

Each day, we’re faced with a world that lives life differently than us. A world that, largely, values ideals we can’t swallow. Most days, we remain silent. We smile, we assuage, we glaze over. This is my polite (ish) way of sharing the other side of the coin. When you’re faced with someone who looks differently from yourself or who lives life in a manner that diverges from your own, I challenge you to ask genuine, polite questions about their life. Take a moment to think before you speak. Give the person you’re speaking to the benefit of the doubt. What have you to lose by doing so? After all, in speaking with care and kindness, there is only abounding positivity that can be gained. And in this world, we all need more friends and can all benefit from a dose of "happy."